Sorry for not updating in such a long time

Hello again guys...
It's sure been a while. Been busy with my other blogs, for example: http://thinspop1ctures.blogspot.com/

I currently weigh about 70 kilos, so I seriously haven't made any progress. I hate it. I seem to be stuck at this weight, no matter what I do. And it doesn't help that I see my mom more often nowadays - she always forces me to eat all sorts of fatty shit. :(

I just purged some cookies and I feel like crap. I get the feeling that i didn't get them all out... :/

Basically, today has been horrible. Being depressed -> binging n' purging.

Damn borderline personality disorder is hard to deal with. The mood swings are horrible again... A while ago I was all hyper, and like 5 minutes later i cut myself. I'm such a moron. Seriously, this is just ridiculous!
...Thinking about a small OD on mood stabilizers, I'd like to feel like a zombie for a while again... I can't take it anymore, I just want this all to go away. I don't do it because I want to die, I dot it because I want to live.

I wish SHE was here. She always makes me feel so good. About myself and about everything. She's always such a sunny person even though she's had her hardships too. I just love her. I love her so much it hurts... <3
And I miss her. She's sick at home right now, which is kinda sad because I have to leave to Espoo tomorrow (to see my mom and to therapy) and on monday we're leaving to estonia for one day trip with my mom.. So I won't see her until next week. Although, I'll come back from estonia with tons of booze (it's cheap there), so we can get wasted together, which could be ridiculously fun. xD

...Writing really helps to deal with difficult emotions. I feel much better already. Thank you my dear blog. <3