I still feel quilty for that pizza and chocolate. I wish I could just enjoy food like normal people and not think about purging/fasting all the time... :/

Damn borderline personality disorder is hard to deal with. The mood swings are horrible again... A while ago I was all hyper, and like 5 minutes later i cut myself. I'm such a moron. Seriously, this is just ridiculous!
...Thinking about a small OD on mood stabilizers, I'd like to feel like a zombie for a while again... I can't take it anymore, I just want this all to go away. I don't do it because I want to die, I dot it because I want to live.

I wish SHE was here. She always makes me feel so good. About myself and about everything. She's always such a sunny person even though she's had her hardships too. I just love her. I love her so much it hurts... <3
And I miss her. She's sick at home right now, which is kinda sad because I have to leave to Espoo tomorrow (to see my mom and to therapy) and on monday we're leaving to estonia for one day trip with my mom.. So I won't see her until next week. Although, I'll come back from estonia with tons of booze (it's cheap there), so we can get wasted together, which could be ridiculously fun. xD

...Writing really helps to deal with difficult emotions. I feel much better already. Thank you my dear blog. <3

I fucking love caffeine

Just drank a few bottles of sugarfree Red Bull.. And goddamn I'm going hyper! I love this feeling wheeeeeee <3<3<3

..Okay, this is seriously fucked up. XD

I should buy some tablets of this stuff, I'm kinda afraid of the calories.. :/ Although its sugarfree, when drinking as much as I sometimes do... it really might be making me fat. Yeah, that goes on my shopping list.

desperate for happiness

I feel so numb and fat... I just ate some porridge (120 cals, which makes a total of 140 today). For some reason it's like I can't be happy at all. This depression never leaves. I want so bad to be skinny, pretty and perfect it hurts. I want to cut but at the same time I don't. My emotions are such a mess...

68,4 kg

Feeling a bit tired and cranky. Gotta take my meds and some coffee... And some cucumber for breakfast.

I feel incredibly fat although my weight has dropped a bit again.. Well, I quess a long walk will help for that a bit. I always feel better after moving around a bit. :) 

I'm so happy to be with you!

Yesterday and today have been AWESOME. I mean... i've got a girlfriend now, have lost 300 grams since yesterday morning and feel overall awesome! :) I don't remember when was the last time feeling like this... All I know is that I am happy and in love...

We're dieting together with my gf, which is great.. It's always easier to keep yourself in control when there's somebody to watch over you. And I also tend to binge when I'm feeling crappy, but now I feel like I'm filled with love and happiness and don't need to eat at all! It feels just incredible! <3

I've had about 800cals today, which I quess is not too bad.. But not too good either. Well, sure better than yesterday (damn u alcohol). :)

I'M SO HAPPY! <3

Thinspo time!

Crappy day

My neighbour seems to be busy drilling holes in his walls or something. The noise is TERRIBLE. Not necessarily helping my crankiness... i hope coffee will help and his drill will die soon. My I-pod is being moody as well.
Great day, eh?

I wish I could get my snakebites soon... *sigh* being poor sucks sometimes. I'm almost out of smokes as well. SHIIIITTTT. What the hell is wrong with this day?

But, after a huge laxative bomb, I dropped from 69,5 to 69,1. I know, it's useless, but at least I don't feel as bloated now...

I hate myself so fucking much... Allnighters are seriously badbadbad dietwise... @_@ I ate a banana. A whole fucking banana. *grossed out* I can't go to sleep now because my sleeping routine is already fucked up... I don't need to sleep another day, I'll just stay awake the next night again.. Shit...

Ungh...

69,5 kilograms
and porridge for breakfast.

FAT PIG.

(My thinspo scrapbooking stuff... ;) Or maybe one third of them..)

I don't feel hungry anymore!

Yay! I needed this to remind me that...
Hunger will pass - Bones will remain.